As a sophomore at a small Christian university, I was surrounded by people who casually spoke about hearing from God. Their phrases— ‘God told me,’ or ‘God and I were chatting’— were foreign to me. It wasn't that I didn't want to hear from God, but I never had that experience. I began to wonder: If we serve the same God, why wasn't He speaking to me like that? Was something wrong with me? Was I even a Christian? One doubt bled into the next.

Finally, I told myself I would either abandon my faith entirely or fight for it.

I chose to fight.

Perhaps you are on a similar road - one where you grow up thinking you are a Christian but then later start to ask yourself why. Or maybe you’ve experienced church hurt and now only associate faith with bitterness.

Over the next few months, I would pour out my soul to the Lord as I devoured Scripture in an effort to save my faith. I cried. I questioned God. I wrote down my thoughts. I began the journey of what is often referred to as ‘deconstruction.’

Brian Zahnd defines deconstruction in his book When Everything's on Fire as a “crisis of Christian faith that leads to either a reevaluation of Christianity or sometimes a total abandonment of Christianity” (p. 27). This process can be terrifying. 

Sometimes, in the modern-day church, deconstruction and doubting have a negative stereotype. But they shouldn’t. Your doubts do not dictate the state of your faith. They reveal the strength of it. 

I wasn’t alone in my struggle with doubt. Doubt has been a part of the journey of faith for many believers, even for those closest to Jesus. Thomas, one of His disciples, struggled with doubt like I did.

John 20:24 (ESV) says, “But he [Thomas] said to them, ‘Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.’”

Jesus knew Thomas was doubting, and He knows you are too, but He waits to be gracious to you (Isaiah 30:18 ESV). Jesus didn’t rebuke Thomas for his doubts or push him away because of his questions. Instead, He drew Thomas close, showing him the evidence of His resurrection. And He does the same for us. When we bring our doubts to God, we’re not met with shame or rejection. We’re met with an invitation to come closer and see more of who Christ is.

Verse 27 of John 20 says, “Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side.’”

The problem isn't having doubts, it's keeping them to ourselves instead of bringing them to the One who created us.

Do you feel like you can approach God with your doubts?

Author Craig Groeschel writes in The Benefit of Doubt, “You can’t have a reconstruction of your faith without a deconstruction of your beliefs” (p. 32).

God does not just invite us to draw near to Him as we deconstruct but also as we reconstruct our faith. The more we trust the potter of our hearts and minds, the more we can trust him to reshape our beliefs in alignment with the truth.

Have you decided to reconstruct your faith? How are you doing that?

Zahnd notes, “Demolition is easy - any fool can do it. But restoration requires wisdom, knowledge, respect, and patience” (p. 31).

After Jesus revealed more of Himself to Thomas, he told Thomas to believe. One commentator writes, “Jesus wanted to move him from doubt and unbelief to faith” (David Guzik).

That sophomore year, I spent day after day reconstructing by reading Psalms, seeking wise counsel, and crying honest prayers. But, with each doubt that I laid at God’s feet, He placed another stone of truth for me to step on as I walked toward His presence. And He offers you the same.

As you move through the shadow of doubt, keep walking. The Lord is with you in each step you take.

Thomas responded to Jesus with, “My Lord and my God.” Perhaps you think to yourself, Easy for Thomas to say because Jesus revealed Himself to Him, but not to me.

But friends, He has. And He will continue to, not only through His Word but through the power of His Holy Spirit.

Philippians 1:6 encourages us as it says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (ESV).

No matter where you are in your deconstruction or reconstruction journey, God is at work in you. Keep talking with Him, for He is faithful to finish the work He’s started.

I went on for many years without hearing any audible voice from God. But I no longer felt the need to hear God’s voice in the way I had expected. Because I learned He was already speaking to me in His Word and through His Spirit. He was carrying me and rebuilding my faith stronger than before. With each passing day, I found that the more I kept walking, the more I could echo the words of Thomas: ‘My Lord, and my God.’